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Done-With-It!
06-27-2008, 05:12 PM
Negative Voices



... In terms of an Eating Disorder, the voices we hear, they are the voice we give to our own self-hate and lack of self-worth. They are sometimes referred to as negative voices, negative tapes, or negative thoughts.

For a person who has never suffered an Eating Disorder, the best way to understand the "voices" is to imagine your own self-dialogue. Have you ever made a mistake and berated yourself, in thought, for it? Have you ever had a hard time making a decision, and you mulled over all the pros and cons in your mind? Imagine that your own self-thinking and thoughts about yourself were nothing but negative, and imagine that it felt like the only way to get rid of that negative "voice" was by thinking about food, weight and eating.

As someone battling an Eating Disorder, there is so much confusion in hearing these "voices"... they speak from a place within us that is filled with low self-esteem, that wants to believe we deserve not to be happy, and to believe that we are worthless. I've heard them described as "loud thoughts", "my own head" and as "a voice/voices". They speak those things that convince us we're stupid, worthless, deserving to be unhappy, not to eat, to keep eating or that we have to get rid of what we ate. They tell us "the world would be better without you." They come from that place within us plagued with negativity and self-hate, encouraging us to continue with our Eating Disorder, and convincing us that we do not deserve recovery, that we deserve a life of pain.

The voices of our Eating Disorders also convince us we have no will power, that we are weak when we've eaten, and that no one will ever love us. They harass us with guilt and even berate us for the Eating Disorder behavior itself. It is no wonder recovery is so difficult and such hard work. We are battling with ourselves over what we are convinced we deserve (and that our negative voices keep reminding us of) as opposed to what we truly do deserve (recovery, happiness and self-love!).

Learning to deal with the voices is a difficult task... learning to not listen to them can be like killing your best friend. It's confusing and scary. In a lot of cases our Eating Disorders have kept us focused off of ourselves and emotions, and if we stop listening to the voices, well then what will feed our Eating Disorder? One of the essential ingredients to recovery is learning to love yourself, and the voices fight hard to keep that from happening. Once we can all conquer the voice or voices inside of us that continue to reinforce our negativity, we will find our path to the other side.

You can read more about the negative voices on the Something Fishy site or on the Mirror-Mirror Website by Colleen. If you are the loved-one of someone suffering, remember what you've read here and on Colleen's site... you need to support those suffering with an Eating Disorder with love, encouragement and positivity, and not to feed their negative voice with guilt or belittling. Also read the section, What You Can Do.

I have faith we can all fight the negative voices inside us and find our own roads to recovery. I personally and highly recommend buying books on self-affirmation, as well as a keeping a journal. A good way to get started is with a workbook I myself have used called Don't Diet, Live It! written by two women who have lived and recovered from Eating Disorders themselves. Please remember, I am right here fighting with you!

It is possible for a sufferer to be hearing actual voices, as a schizophrenic does -- in this case, it may be caused by extreme malnutrition or dehydration, or some other underlying psychiatric condition. In most cases, the most common use for the term "voices" is as I've described above, but in cases where a sufferer may actually be having auditory hallucinations, it must be addressed by hospitalization for malnutrition or by psychiatric medication. Hallucinations can also be an uncommon side-effect of some medications.

Done-With-It!
06-27-2008, 05:17 PM
"What I Think of Me... I'm fat... I'm a horrible person... I must deserve this... It's my own fault... My problems don't matter... Others don't deserve an Eating Disorder, but I'm different..."

It is all too common for people living with Anorexia and Bulimia to have a mild to severe distorted perception of themselves. What is seen in the mirror isn't reality, and when they compare their physical or personality attributes to others they are extremely judgmental of themselves. A person suffering with Anorexia or Bulimia may see another person and think "I wish I could be as skinny as them" and in reality, may actually be thinner. They may wish to be as smart, as funny or as compassionate as another person that they are equally as good as -- the bottom line is that they cannot see their own good traits, especially in comparison to others, because of the low self-esteem they have of themselves.

A good example of a distorted perception is black and white thinking... Thinking that bad situations or feelings are the complete end of the world, and good situations or emotions are as bright as the sun. There is no stability or "normalized" thinking with a middle ground, but harsh swings from one extreme to another. Combined with this is irrational behavior that is not okay for others, but okay for the person suffering with the Eating Disorder. An example would be: "when I eat I am just a horrible awful person and deserve to die, but when I don't I am the best little girl in the world."

A lot of times, men and women suffering with an Eating Disorder unfairly personalize the actions around them. They may think that everything someone says or does in some way is a reflection of them. For example: If during a group conversation one individual walks away to go to the bathroom, the person suffering with the Eating Disorder may think "they left because I was acting stupid again." There is also the feeling that "everyone hates me," or only hangs around because they feel sorry for them, or are just being polite. Compliments are seen as polite gestures, but not truly compliments, and are often met with an invalidating remark about themselves. For example: someone compliments on a sufferers achievement and they reply, "no really, I'm so stupid. You should have seen how badly I screwed up last week..."

People suffering with Eating Disorders take on unfair burdens of control for the world around them. They may feel responsible to make the world a better place, to want to cure the ills of everyone, and when they can't, punish themselves with self-hate remarks and actions. There is often a strong need to control their own lives and the lives of people around them, and when they cannot, think it is unfair and take it out on themselves.

Self-blame can be another aspect... the sufferer may blame themself for everything bad that has ever happened to them, believing that in some way they deserved it; ie., "my parents abused me because I was a horrible kid." On the contrary, they may also blame others for everything and take no responsibility for their own lives. For example: "if you'd been there for me, I wouldn't have purged."

People living with Anorexia and Bulimia have a hard time being optimistic about any aspect of a situation or their lives. Everything seems negative in one way or another, or they only pick the negative to focus on. In comparison to others, someone else who achieves something is considered great, but the same achievement for themselves would be met with negativity and how it could have been done better. Though the world is not seen as perfect and others are not expected to act as such, the person suffering with the Eating Disorder may have high expectations of perfection for themselves.

Ultimately, one of the biggest perception distortions of the person with Anorexia or Bulimia is that "life will be better and I will be happy when I lose the weight." There is a false sense of control that is achieved during self-starvation/restriction, a feeling of comfort when binging, or a temporary release of emotions and guilt during purging... In reality none of the above has been achieved except within the sufferer's perception. There is no light at the end of the tunnel of an Eating Disorder, even though those who suffer may think there is. In reality, the only true light comes from recovery.

Done-With-It!
06-27-2008, 05:22 PM
Perception Part II
Who Are "They"

"They" can be your own voice... yourself... your self-doubt... you inability to communicate... a way to attempt to communicate what YOU are feeling through "they"...

Who Are "They"?

"They" think I'm a bad person. "They" won't like me. "They" don't understand me. "They" think I'm fat. "They" won't think I deserve help. "They" won't think I really need help. "They" think I'm stupid. "They" think my problems are stupid. "They" think I should be over this by now.

Dr. Phil recently posed this question on his show (not a show about Eating Disorders): "did you ever wonder who 'they' are?"

Most of the time "they" is your own negative voice. When in the throws of an Eating Disorder, because of a low self-esteem, it's easy to come to the conclusion that "they" must really hate you, not understand you, think you're a burden, etc. etc., when often "they" is your own sense of feeling unworthy.

http://www.something-fishy.org/isf/images/they.gif


None of this is to say that you don't have genuine conflicts with other people in your life... that may very well be the case. At the same time, it's important through the process of self-discovery and recovery to question your perceptions -- to ask if 'they' is really nothing more than your own negative thoughts. Ask yourself if 'they' is really a statement based on your own distorted perception.

An example: Let's say you have an argument with a group of friends. Your friends are concerned about you, but you say to yourself "they really hate me. I'm just a burden to them." Is this true? Are you really a burden and they hate you? Or is it that you, yourself, are convinced of that, when really your friends care about you and are just worried for your health?

An example: Let's say someone in your life hurts you in some way, either emotionally or physically. You say to yourself "they all thinks it's my fault. I know everyone thinks I'm to blame." Is this true? Are you really to blame for the hurtful actions of another person? Or is it that you, yourself, are convinced of that, when really you were genuinely hurt by someone and are having a hard time validating your own pain?

There are many possible examples of when you might use "they" statements when you are really referring to how YOU feel about something. When you are making "they" statements, ask yourself "is this true?" As yourself, "is this true, or is it how I feel?" This is one key to combatting your own distorted perceptions and negative voices.

Using "they" statements can be a way to attempt to communicate your own pain, your own confusion, your own anger (or other emotion). The problem is, it's confusing to those supporting you. It also puts the responsbility of dealing with your emotions back onto you. It also puts the responsibility back on you in how you will cope with any response to your emotions from other people. This is scary. Sometimes it seems easier to blame "them", than to own up to how YOU really feel.

Be willing to challenge your own negative thinking and distorted perceptions. If you didn't have any problems with either, it's highly unlikely you'd have a need to communicate through, hide behind and cope with your emotions by using an Eating Disorder.