Relationship Tips

[Chy]

Relationship Tip of the Week - 4/25/08
Waiting Until it's Too Late

I had an interesting experience this week. I had a couple who set an appointment with me back in January, but decided not to attend. I had never heard from them again. I get a call at 11:29 PM wanting me to fit them in before the end of the week! So what happened? Was time a factor? Was the cost? Or was it just not being ready to enter therapy, face the issues and really commit to making the necessary changes?

This is a common scenario. I can appreciate money being a factor, but if you're spending money on eating-out, movies and Starbucks, then you might want to reconsider your priorities. As simplified as this might sound, what is more important to you: your relationship or that latte and muffin? Waiting until your relationship is in crisis and trying to contact a therapist at 11:30 PM isn't going to relieve the problem. If you notice struggles early enough, you want to work through them while you're still enjoying your partner. Don't wait until you are at a point of "Why bother?" or "Therapy is the last straw."

©2007 Jodi Blackley, M.S., M.F.T. Tips of the Week

[Chy]

Relationship Tip of the Week - 4/30/08
Open Up!

No, you're not hallucinating! I'm sending out this tip a couple of days early as I'm off to a conference for Marriage & Family Therapists.

Today, I watched a couple have a productive argument in my office. What made it productive? She had been holding onto her pain for 10 months. She couldn't express it to her husband and as a result, resentment has developed, and they feel disconnected. Today, she made her feelings known...she spoke and cried. He sat and listened...he didn't get defensive, he didn't try to cut her off. He just listened. She got it off her chest and he was able to hear it. As a result, they made a connection for the first time in a long time.

So, if you haven't opened up to your partner, what do you think is happening to your relationship? How can it possibly get better when feelings are being held back?

©2008 Jodi Blackley, M.S., M.F.T. Tips of the Week
http://www.jodiblackley.com

[Chy]

Relationship Tip of the Week - 5/9/08Taking Care of Yourself


Even though these tips discuss ways to improve your relationship, I learned an important lesson in self-care as well. We are only good to others when we are kind to ourselves. You cannot be a good mother, wife, or friend if you you are not able to tend to your own needs. Take a personal inventory. Are you really happy? If not, what can you do personally to change that? As much as we want to depend on others for our own contentment, the reality of the matter is that we cannot expect any one specific person to meet all of our needs. If you're looking to your partner to be the end-all to your feelings, it's time to re-examine what YOU can do to make yourself happy. In turn, your relationship will be better for it!


©2008 Jodi Blackley, M.S., M.F.T. Tips of the Week
http://www.jodiblackley.com (http://www.jodiblackley.com/)

[Chy]

Relationship Tip of the Week - 5/30/08Have Fun!!

Sometimes tension can overtake a relationship. When things get too tense, you may want to take a break from the tense issues. Focus on something fun to provide you and your partner an opportunity to reconnect on a positive level. Tense issues aren't always going to be resolved immediately or over one conversation. Don't try to force a result as it may not end up being the best result for the two of you. Take a step back, reconnect in a positive manner and return to the issue at a later time. That renewed connection may be just what you need to deal with the issue appropriately...and help you resolve that issue in a manner suited for the two of you.

©2008 Jodi Blackley, M.S., M.F.T. Tips of the Week

[Chy]

Relationship Tip of the Week - 6/13/08Out of Sight, Out of Mind

When engaging in conflict with your partner, which of the following behaviors do you exhibit?

a) We tend to find resolution to the conflict in a way that we both can be accepting of the outcomes.
b) We argue and agree we'll try harder, but we end up repeating the same mistakes over and over.

If you tend to follow "a" then congratulations! You're ahead of the game!
However, if you tend to follow "b", you're not alone. This is what I call "putting your stuff out on the table, look at it and then put it back in the drawer." You know that adage, "Out of sight, out of mind"? In a sense, this is what you're doing. The argument/conflict acknowledges there is something wrong, but by "putting it back in the drawer," you lose sight of the issue and it will only rear itself in another fashion again and again until you chose to find resolution or do something different.

If you find you cannot do something different, this is where couples counseling can be helpful. Having an objective person help you explore new ways to deal with your "stuff" in a way amenable to the both of you will provide you with an opportunity to learn and grow from each other.

©2008 Jodi Blackley, M.S., M.F.T. Tips of the Week